What to Feel?

I admire individuals who have a large group of friends. They experience marriage and children so they can continue to be in each others lives and grow old together. I am grateful that I have been folded into such a circle because I never had a group of friends that I could call my own. It's nice to be included in something. It's never too late I guess.

Over the weekend I had a conversation with an old high school classmate. Back in the day, we did not know each other but as a result of this circle connection, we now see each other at get-togethers throughout the year. The idea of connecting with people from your past seems like a great idea in theory. The fond memories outweigh the bad as you think, "hmm, maybe I should join Facebook and put myself out there." But pretty soon, I think of the Pandora's Box effect and decide against it (I'm happy in my cocoon, leave me alone).

In my case, I did not have any particular fond memory of my classmate, only knew the person existed. After having the conversation, I have mixed feelings about connecting with my past, especially high school. High school was not enjoyable for me. I was anxiously awaiting graduation so I could move on. I do not need to cherish the memories and I definitely am not interested in connecting with anyone from that time. So to be forced to see my high school past in the person standing before me, listening to their words, and remembering life from back then is jarring and uncomfortable. I wish I felt otherwise but at the moment, the feeling is too fresh. I am probably overanalyzing but since this was unexpected it's hard to get over. Especially when I had well moved past high school so long ago and to be reeled back to examine it...I'm not liking it at all.